Rabu, 08 Juli 2015

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So, this is how does it feels.

Sometimes people use "greyduation" since my faculty makara is grey. Today, i know the real meaning of that term. I graduate and my day is grey.

The only person i wish to come is not appear. The only person i wish to support me perhaps will not say anything if i don't request a day before. The only person i wish to celebrate this happiness together is somewhere far.

They said my life is perfect. Join an exchange but still get the cumlaude.
Is it?

I even want to directly back home after i finish my thesis defense. I don't want to take any picture. I don't want to fake this smile, this laugh. I don't want push my self to disguise this dissapointment. I want to sleep, forget everything. Hoping he'll find me unconcious and worry about me. But of course i can't.

How can i direspect all of my friends effort to come, and selfishly mumbling on my stupid personal thing? Again i laugh with them. Answer every person that ask, "where is he?" in as polite as possible sentence to ensure them we're allright. But still finally i can't hold it anymore. I back home and sleep. Still hoping he just joke with me, that when i wake up i'll see him surprise me. No, he didn't.

I don't want to be selfish person. I can't ruin his relationship with another person, i don't want people hate him. I want he have fun. But i only have one big day. Can't he just prioritize me this time?

I know i didn't be there on his big day, but it's different case. If i were here, of course i'll try my best to support him. Today he is here, but he choose to go with another girl. Hey mister, am i really get no attention from you anymore? Why you really close your heart from me that hard?

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